I started out my week very well – I planned out all my meals in advance, and even though I was going to my best friend’s wedding, I was organised, and took food with me, as I knew the buffet would be quite late (and the kids would be starving, as would I!), and would be packed with delicious pastry goodies I would find almost impossible to resist if I was hungry.
I took along a sandwich made with a Weight Watchers wrap (HEB), some ham (P), pease pudding (F) and cucumber (S), and also took three Babybel Lights (HEA) to nibble and a little pot of strawberries (S). It was great, and I felt so proud of myself.
We all had a wonderful time at the wedding, and I felt wonderful, being able to fit into a dress I’ve been unable to wear for years, that makes me feel pretty. I only drank one small mimosa (to toast the bride and groom), and then stuck to ether diet soda or water with ice and lemon. I was doing so well!
Except that three people either asked when I was due or congratulated me on my “impending arrival”. I had to tell them I’m not pregnant, I’m just fat.
And so I ended up doing what I always do when I’m upset. I dived headfirst into a vat of chocolate and then swam in it for two days. I knew I shouldn’t, and I was kicking myself as I did it, but I did it anyway. And then I was even more upset, because I’d derailed completely.
Why do people do it? Why does ANYONE ask a complete stranger when they’re due? Not only is it incredibly rude to make such an assumption, it’s upsetting and embarrassing for both the person who made the comment and the person who now has to say that they’re not pregnant, just fat, thank you very much! I was so hurt I had to fight back the tears. To be honest, I had to fight to keep my fists in check, because although I’m not a violent person, I wanted nothing more than to punch out their lights!
I know I’m not skinny. I know I still have a belly that sticks out more than it should, but I’ve lost nearly three and a half stone this year. I want to be able to feel proud of that achievement and feel that I’m looking better than I did before (which I know I do). But still, despite my best efforts, when it comes to the crunch and I feel vulnerable and upset, it’s still that horrible uncontrolled binge that I turn to, which makes me feel worse, I know it makes me feel worse even before I start, and all the while I’m doing it, but I just can’t stop myself.
So I’m just going to tell everyone right now:
NEVER, EVER, EVER ASK A WOMAN WHEN SHE’S DUE OR CONGRATULATE HER ON HER PREGNANCY UNLESS YOU CAN ACTUALLY SEE A BABY EMERGING FROM HER BODY AT THAT VERY MOMENT!
NEVER ASSUME SOMEONE IS PREGNANT – ASSUME THEY ARE FAT AND DO NOT COMMENT ON IT!
It will save a lot of hurt and embarrassment all round.
That said, I lost 1lb this week, so IN YOUR FACE, rude people!
And I must say a special thank you to all the lovely people in Jill Heslop’s 9am Tuesday group, as well as Jill Heslop herself, for picking me up and making me feel much better again this morning in class. I came in feeling dreadful, but I left feeling so much more positive, and that’s entirely down to you guys – you all rock!